Coding Confessional

Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.


Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.

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Working with my Indian "coworkers" for the past year has caused me to think negatively towards Indian programmers as a whole, including Indian society. Most of THEM program in Java or some shitty language like PHP, and slow down productivity requiring hour long video conferences to clarify requirements to FIGURE OUT WHAT THE FUCK TO DO. They often basically ask me to do their work for them, and generally are a red flag that the company or corporation don't value Software Developers. I cannot help seeing them as sub-human idiots. You want to program and want money, SPEAK ENGLISH FUCKER! YOUR SHITTY LITTLE RUPEE BASED ECONOMY IS A GLORIFIED SHIT STAIN! <throws self on bed crying into pillow> </rant>

I'm surprised there aren't any Indians here confessing they can't code

Can we bring back some manufacturing jobs so I can stop coding.

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I've been working on a project for about 4 months, which was suppose to be done in 1. This project is making me fall behind on all my other tasks for constantly having to go back and make updates to it. I think I might quit and shove a spike up my ass.

I barely test my code, we have QA for that.

Apparently pure C# .NET Developers are becoming or are already a thing of the past/dinosaurs.

PL1 is the language of Real Men. If a woman learns to program in it she becomes instantly a man. This is known in medical circles as fastest and least risky way for a woman to change sex. For men there is a similar option - it is called frontend development;)

My boss expects me to track all of my time allocation in Jira tickets down to the minute. Fuck this shit, I didn't agree to do this. It's what they don't tell you about being a "software engineer". I hope he fires me so I can collect unemployment.

If I stop living in the moment even for a second, I want to throw my laptop through the window, and never look at another computer again. Think I've got issues. Ya think?!

My poo hurts and my pee stings!!!!!

I'm so tired of writing C# spaghetti code under .NET. Endless waves of abstraction and indirection are suffocating me... i just want that .X value, i don't want to get it after 69 points of indirection in a 300 character line of code that contains 68 objects.... So i'll just go write a C DLL, and use that in the project. I'll lie that the dll was included in some obscure framework we are using.

I like that corona discriminates against normies. Shut-in neets are safe. Hope this teaches the normies a lesson!!!!!!!!!

A coworker of mine let me sleep in her flat once, because I needed a place to sleep and she was with her boyfriend that night. I sniffed her panties and furiously masturbated in her bed, taking care not to jizz in the sheets. I'd do it again.

Fuck everyone and everything!

Such an amazing chance that the universe can contain life. Such an amazing chance that life made it, and made me. And I'm trapped with the task of rebuilding something that took years to build, in two months with essentially no requirements. I guess the incredible amount of possibilities includes my super stupid manager saying this was possible, without consulting me in any way shape or form. What's gonna happen when we don't get there in two months? We shall see, but no doubt I'll be blamed for it.

I'm fidden to snap son. All work and no rhythm in the work makes Jack a crazy boy!!!!!!

I really do not want to go back to having to go into the office when this is all over with. Sorta just hoping this goes on for an extended time and I can just quietly quit and go figure out what to do next. I fucking hate technology. I fucking HATE programming. What an absolutely fucking faggot's delight of a career.

For a long time I've known that if a thousand monkeys sat typing randomly at a thousand keyboards they will, eventually, get something to compile. What I now know is precisely where those monkeys have been working all this time.

Tell you what. I'm about to just hang up my IT gloves altogether. Computers sicken me. A life even without Television is in my near future. I had an awakening today where I realized that the true path to happiness is rhythmic simplicity day in and day out. It probably strings a little bit to read this. I'm only writing it because I have felt the string by reading to many others.

How is it being for you to work in the middle of corona crisis?

So, not much of a confession, but more of a sanity check. Born of a single mother. This single mother is widely regarded by most as trash. 6 DUIs. Lots of mental health issues. Has managed to get four neighbors to move from being such a sweet person. She isn't legally able to get a gun, but is calling to ask me to go buy her a rifle and give it to her for when people start looting houses (she lives in a nice enough area. this is not going to happen). I declined such a tempting offer. This apparently makes me a piece of shit. I am a gun owner and 2nd amendment supporter, but... it seems like a very bad idea. Am I an asshole or just not a total complete idiot?

I figured it out finally. The Ops guys have taken over and therefore coding is no longer an Art Form!